I am pretty sure that I am not the only man who has a slight physical reaction when hearing or even reading the word “mansplaining”. It just hurts a little. I recently became aware of this sensation and I looked for its origin. I think I found it. Let me explain (also for the ladies, so you understand it too).
Why does it matter? A male reader may remember the last time a women used the term and realize he felt slightly offended. And for a good reason! Using the term allows a woman to point at a real sexist phenomenon with a word that doesn’t need explanation. This is pretty empowering, and with this power may come a bit of triumphalism. Or at least, men may perceive triumphalism. In response, they may not want to look at the real phenomenon that is referred to. A missed chance.
So, where does this sensation, this little pain, come from? Let put one thing up front: One reason I feel offended is because the term is spot on, pointing at sexist behavior that I have likely engaged in many times too. That’s painful, and may cause an (unjust) feeling of offense when confronted. But if that were the only thing, I should feel relief when I say to myself, or the woman who says “mansplaining”: “Yes, I’ve done that. Let me try not to do that anymore in the future.” But for me, that does not bring 100% relief, because it does not feel 100% fair.
What is unfair about that? Women like smart men. This is the number one thing women express when asked why they fell for their partner. Heterosexual men like women to fall for them, so it is completely obvious that hey go around explaining stuff to women: it is the most obvious way to show how smart they are. And that’s why it feels unfair: men have been putting effort in doing what they always thought women like and then get to hear: “We never liked that, stupid man”.
So, this boils down to: mansplaining is a category of flirting in inappropriate situations. Fanatically explaining stuff in a flirt-appropriate situation may never be called mansplaining!
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